Emptiness

We only know how much we appreciate something when someone takes it away..

Yes it is. Bila ada,semua jadi serba salah. Serba tak kena. Silap sikit punn boleh jadi gaduh.

After a long journey. After many messes we passed thru. At the end. Bila dah sampai sini,i damaged it all..

No denial. It's all my fault. Ini semua salah aku..Aku yang berubah hati. Aku yang tidak mampu bersabar. Aku yang tidak pandai menghargai..And to be honest. Aku yang curang.

Biggest confession ever. Shame on me. Booo 👎👎👎

That part bila kami otp for the last time. And i knew he was really mad. Totally mad. Sampai dia tanya. Hang ni tak cukup batang ke.

Sampai saat ni terngiang-ngiang semua tu.

And i guessed after all of this of course there were no more chances for us. Im run out of chances. Haha. I blew it all and regretting it..

I felt so empty. And then i realized why. He was gone. And he took away another half part of me. Left me an emptiness.

I feel so empty and blank. I read all of our books. I cried again and again..

Realizing there were no other man would love me like he do.

It does really hurt when he said,kalau takdir put he and me both married pun,dia sanggup mati dulu daripada kawin dengan aku..

Nak ceritanya benci dia pada aku.

It hurt me..And i knew he hurt more.

I just cant do anything. Aku banyak termenung. Pegi keje bawak moto pun nangis. Buat keje pun slow je. Orang keep asking kenapa mata bengkak. Kenapa muka merah. I cant say anything.

Waktu rehat balik makan. Jumpa dia lagi. We talked to each other,like a stranger..It hurt. Does really hurt.

Malam,aku balik. Aku cari jugak dia. Kot2 dia tunggu aku macam biasa. Risaukan aku macam selalu. Tapi hampa. Aku balik sendiri. Aku nampak dia dekat traffic light..

Tapi aku tau dia bukan tunggu aku. Not willing to meet me pun. Sebabnya dia memecut laju tinggalkan aku di belakang. Aku cuba kejar dia. Tapi tak dapat..

A lonely road with lonely heart. Menangis aku masa bawak moto. Aku lalu dekat rumah dia..Aku nampak dia atas moto. Nampak belakang je. Tak tau dia nampak aku ke tak.

Tapi dia buat tak tau je. Cuma bila kami berselisih aku dapat rasa hati kami sama.

Aku tau apa yang dia rasa sama dengan apa yang aku rasa..

Tapi memaafkan aku bukan benda mudah bagi dia..Hati dia terlalu sakit. I knew it.

Sampai rumah,mak panggil makan. Aku termenung dekat meja makan. Dengan air mata berlinang di pipi.

Mak tanya kenapa. Aku diam. Mak gelak je. Nasi dah jadi bubur..Kenapa curang,salah sapa..Kesian emi. Sedih dia.

Terus aku menangis kuat. Aku rindu dia. Aku menyesal.

He the best i could get..And i blew him. Tearing love apart. Cinta yang suci. Yang ikhlas.

To be honest. Aku nak sangat tengok dia bangun pagi..Pegi kerja. Tak kisah balik malam pun. Aku nak dia kerja. Nak tengok effort dia. Nak tengok sikap tanggungjawab dia..Nak tengok kejantanan dia.

Bila terpandang lelaki yang kuat kerja. Bangun awal pagi. Kerja,angkat berat2. Aku jadi tertarik. Aku bukan nak duit dia. Sebab aku jenis yang cari duit sendiri. Tapi..Aku nak usaha dia.

Aku mula membandingkan mereka. Jadi takpa,he chose to go. Dia pilih untuk undur diri. Tapi bila dia pergi,aku pulak jadi tak betah. I felt world stopped spinning.

Aku rasa empty. Kosong sangat hidup. Sebab apa? Sebab baru aku sedar selama ni dia yang melengkapi kekurangan aku. Baru aku sedar dia sebahagian daripada diri aku. Bila dia pergi aku rasa sangat2 lopong.

Barulah aku pandang dia dari sisi positif. Kebaikan dia. Kelebihan dia. Tapi bab rupa memanglah. Kot mana pun dia win. Apa dia ada. Top to toe semua aku suka. Walaupun dia sendiri cakap kaki dia macam tiang jamban. Tapi aku sukaa sangat.

I cant forget it when both bergaduh teruk. Kami tengking2 each other. Dia berkasar dengan aku. Pegang lengan aku sekuat kudrat dia. Aku menjerit, "aku nak hang kejee hang paham takk" dengan air mata mengalir deras di pipi.

Aku tersenyum sendiri terkenang semua tu. Rasa manis benda tu. Gaduh macam laki bini. Argue like husband and wife.

Rindu. Tonight im really miss him. If i could have just one wish i would like to have him by my side..

Aku nak peluk dia. Cium dia. Mintak maaf. Janji dengan dia (even dia takkan percaya). Begging for one last chance ever. Rebuild spirit semua.

Pathetic Faeqa Aqeelah. Pathetic. It is too late. Kita hargai bila benda dah takda..

First Day As A Sale Assistant

First day. Not bad.

I dont know is it right or not what im doing..Tiba2 balik kampung and i cant think anything except quit.

Quit from study. I never expect how fast is it. I mean balik..Balik dan tak kembali lagi untuk minggu2 yang seterusnya.

Fikir2 balik,makin lama makin sesak dada ni rasa. Makin tepu otak nak belajar. Makin luntur minat dan semangat.

Aku balik..Rest dalam seminggu. Pastu ronda2 cari kerja dekat pekan. Pastu aku dapat kerja dekat pasaraya tu. Semalam interview,harini terus masuk kerja.

Haha. How fast is it. Sungguh cepat sekali.

My first day be like. Im so nervous since this is my first time working. Working without friends and family.

Hubs send me to work..Hihi. Hubs hantar dan ambil. Manja kededek eh dengan hubs dia.

First day melapor diri..Kena isi form KWSP apa semua tu. Pastu round2 kedai hafal nama barang.

Pastu kena susun barang. Kena tampal barcode apa semua tu.

Not bad..Lepastu ada rehat kan. Tengahari rehat. Makan dekat kedai makan depan tu. All alone. Hihi

Lawaklah. Friends semua okay je. I got new friends. Biasalah budak baru terkial-kial sikit kan. Dugaan..Sabar jelah..

Buat slow2..In sha Allah.

Pastu sambung buat keje. Petang tu rehat lagi..Lepastu sambung buat keje,balik. Balik hubs amik. Letih sangat sampai terlena atas moto.

Balik mandi terus tido. Lenguh sangat kaki..Biasalah mula2..Nanti biasalah tu..

Wish me all the best.

Beautiful Night

6th of November 2017
0045HRS

Guess what. It remind me a lot to old time. Masa kami mula2 bercinta. Went out late in the middle of the night.

Last night we went out tengah malam. Ekcelli,pagi. Calling back the memories. Dah lama tak macamni. I mean,duduk dalam kereta. Matikan enjin. And have a talk. A long talk.

About life. About future. About present. About old time.

And i really longing to lay my head on his chest. Like an old time. While listen to his story.

I realized that he been through a long hard time..Dia melalui saat2 yang susah. And i wish he know that i wouldn't leave him. No matter what.

He got me on his back. In his heart. In his hug.

I tried my best to block my tears. While my heart broken into pieces. I feel worst. Worst when i realize he been trapped in hard time..He feel pressure from people surrounding.

He have nobody. Everybody pointed him. Jobless. Useless. Lazy. Without knowing what really happened..

I hug him tightly. Till i can hear his beating heart. We share the same feeling. Same pain.

For a moment i just wanna let him know that he got me..He have me..And i love him.

Hubs. You got me on ur back. I will support u. In whatever. Wherever u go. Im with u.

And last night. Thanks for last night..Such a very beautiful night. Priceless time. I really appreciate it.

I love u more b..Than i did before. I'll be coming home. Keep strong.

Im Giving Up

Guess what. I've lost my spirit. I've lost my interest. Im giving up. I just wanna quit.

Lagi lama aku dekat sini lagilah aku rasa serba tak kena. Rasa serba salah. Rasa tak seronok. Rasa tak betah.

Dan to be honest im totally sucks.

Aku cuba nak pujuk hati untuk permulaan dulu. Bila mess after mess aku cuba settle satu2. Aku cuba bersabar.

Bila dah settle mess,aku jadi tawar hati pulak. Aku rasa sangat2 tersilap langkah. Dan aku dah jauh ke dalam.

Lepas messes tu..Aku dah tak pegi kandang. Walaupun sekali. Aku cuma attend kelas. Aku dah tak peduli lagi pasal credit hours or what else.

Aku macam dah hilang akal. Im insane. Aku dah fikir masak2. Sedalam-dalamnya. Aku dah fikir baik buruk. No. Aku takkan rugi apa2 kalau keluar dari sini. Kalau aku berhenti di sini.

Orang tak faham. Sebab orang tak lalui. Tapi aku yang lalui semua. Aku faham semua. Family aku bukan latar belakang penternak. Bukan farmer. No.

Its okay kau masuk sini kalau mak ayah kau ada tanah berbidang berelung. Tapi kau silap kalau kau takda tanah. Nak usahakan apa?

Orang yang masuk ke sini dilatih untuk jadi penternak..Bukan jadi kakitangan kerajaan macam yang korang sangka.

Kami dilatih untuk menternak..Mengusahakan. Bukan bekerja di bawah perusahaan orang.

Makanya aku dah fikir masak2. Seiring dengan leteran penyelaras yang dah berulangkali aku dengar. Kalau rasa tak minat,berhentilah.

Pergi ke bidang yang kena dengan jiwa.

I guess i got the answer. Enough is enough. I have to do something bigger.

crying week

minggu ni keje nangis je. lets say,crying week. ahahaha. bila teringat,sedih pedih apa semua. cannot brain rasa. just wishing mom were here. nak menangis dekat riba mak puas2.

bila otp dengan mak,i tried my best to cheer up. hide away all of the sorrows. even though i cant deny that rasa sebak je. but i do my best. taknak buat dia risau.

no one would understand how hard it is. but i believe that Allah wont burden us more than wat we can carry. rite?

take it as a lesson. as a test. and i believe that Allah want to show me a few more type of people. Allah nak ajar aku,nak tunjukkan aku..ada sejenis manusia yang suka menyusahkan orang. yang suka merumitkan urusan orang.

and today..i've been tested again. im exhausted. im extremely tired. im suck at all. the hardest part is to choose whether to stop or to keep strong. rasa macam2 rasa bergabung dalam hati.

rasa teringat je kazen cakap apa. follow ur heart. but take ur brain with you. and masa tu im fucking weak. memang dah critically down. kalau diberi skala 1-10, i chose zero.

cuma wondering mana datangnya kekuatan. under the hot sun,we worked. perspired. berpeluh berkeringat. rasa nak pitam semua ada. and keep wondering kenapa kejam sangat dunia nih. kenapa benda yang tak adil boleh ditegakkan. kenapa dan kenapa.

tengah panas terik,baca surah al-Ikhlas. while tears dropped very slowly upon my reddish cheeks. perlahan sangat air mata tu. seperlahan langkah aku di bawah terik.

no one would understand. i bet u.

and i dont even know where are the strength came from. i guess Allah heard us. waktu2 macamtu aku cuma nak ada someone pinjamkan aku bahu. aku nak menangis puas2 sekejap. sampai aku lega.

harini hari aku. harini kau pijak aku. harini kau rasa kau ada kuasa. harini kau perdajal aku. harini kau agungkan pangkat kau yang tak seberapa tu. harini kau injak maruah kami. harini kau kerah kudrat aku.

kau buat macam hidup ni segala-galanya. kau macam lupa Allah tu ada. kau tunjuk sangat hati kau busuk.

esok? lusa? siapa tau. sekelip mata Allah boleh terbalikkan hidup kau. kau tunggu. doa orang teraniaya takda hijab..lets see jauh mana kau boleh pegi. and i will make every drop of tears paid off.

and to beloved dearself. do wat is right for u. follow ur heart,but take ur brain with u. keep strong. dont lose. kalau kau give up,diorang hepi 🙃

jangan tunjuk kau lemah. kau diamond. they cant break u. hold on. and come on. stop this crying week. banyak lagi nak dibuat daripada memikirkan orang yang hanya bawa aura negatif dalam hidup..

Dari Hati

Bila semalam dia cakap macamtu. Dan aku reply macamtu. Unusual us. Us yang lain macam.

Maki each other. Marah each other. Hate each other.

I noticed that we're both so pathetic. Hardly resisting that we're both still loving each other.

Pathetic sangat bila both struggle very much. Kinda painful sensation in every nerves. Struggle with egoism between love. Both trying to deny that both really want each others.

And biggest denial was when i denied that i wont back to us. I wont get everything back. I wont fix us again.

Aku menafikan semuanya. Aku keraskan hati..I wish he knew that im lying that time. And i know he knows im lying.

I donno wat the hell is going between us. Between anguish,hate and love.

Bagi padu2. Lepastu letak kepala atas bantal. Terus menangis. Sakitnya rasa dalam hati.

Siyesly aku taknak getback? I donno.

Ekcelli aku takut. Takut nak mulakan. Aku sayang dia. Aku rindu dia. Dia yang dah bertahun2 dengan aku. Yang dah jadi apart of me. Half of me..

Dan aku pun tau aku tak cukup kuat nak mulakan something dengan orang baru. To be honest..Im tired.

Tired of begin a relay. Tired of build everything up. And tired of dealing with messes.

Aku letih bergaduh. Letih of sleepless night..Letih dipersalahkan untuk salah yang aku tak buat. And now isnt a right time to talk about getback and u turn segala bagai.

Now is a very2 wrong time for me. Im still healing from the pain. Aku masih sakit. Masih serik. Masih fobia nak mulakan,nak kembali.

Dan aku masih marah. Masih geram. Masih benci.

I donno whether im giving or what. I dont think so. I mean,i need time. Please dont add on anything to make me hate u more.

Please dont tell me something i didnt do. I hate it. It hurt the shit out of me. Its all.

Let time decided everything. Like wat u said. Kalau masa yang memisahkan,nanti masa jugak akan pertemukan semula.

Give me a break. I need a retire. I need some rest. I need time to heal the pain u caused me. I need to fix every damages u caused in my heart..

To be honest,i love u. I miss u a lot..But for now..I cant deal with that.

Aku jadi macam serik. Aku fobia..Aku takut. Aku takut dengan sakit yang sama. Aku taknak menangis lagi untuk sebab yang serupa.

Please. Dont text me if it just only to hurt me more n more. Leave me alone..I love u,but i hate u.

Im sorry. I cant.

Im sorry if one day,im very heal from everything. Im sorry if there were too late for u to win my heart. Im sorry if ur name just a history.

Please. Stop treating me like a shit.

Lawakk

04th of October 2017
01.37am

Lawak bila tonight. Aku tengok gambar kita. Aku still menangis sebab rindukan kau.

Lawak bila everyday aku masih baca ws kita. Yang lama2. Yang sweet2. Dan aku masih rindukan kau.

Lawak bila aku cakap dengan kawan aku. Aku masih panggil kau as "laki aku" even you're not anymore.

Lawak bila aku asyik terlupa kau dah buang aku. Kau dah tinggal aku. Aku masih perasan macam kau milik aku.

Lawak bila aku masih senyum bila teringat kau manjakan aku. Kau peluk aku. Cium aku. Bobok aku sampai aku lena.

Lawak bila aku berangan aku akan dapat semua tu lagi one day.

Lawak bila aku simpan sebahagian duit elaun aku untuk kita. Untuk kita pegi jalan. Pegi makan.

Lawak bila aku masih pikirkan kau. Masih teragak2 nak buat something. Takut kau marah. Even kau dah kata kau "taknak" aku..

Lawak kan semua ni? Lawak bila aku masih tak boleh move on from semua ni..

Lawak wei. Harap kau gelak dan happy bila baca nanti.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Faeqa Did Right

Sakit yang sama. Pedih yang serupa. Dah lali. Dah kebal. Dah imun pendek kata.

Tapi tetap tak mampu nak empang air mata. Bodoh kan. Menangis dan sakit untuk benda yang sama. Yang serupa.

Rasa sakit sangat. Sakit yang aku dah rasa berulang kali.

Disalahkan untuk benda yang tak salah..Stressed out. Pushed in. Ditekan sampai mampat. Sampai lemas.

Guess what. He treat me like a shit. And this stupid girl still apologizing for things she didnt do. Still being nice. Forgiving him. Wishing for him. Dream on him. Hanging on him.

She were mentally ill. Crying on bed in silent voices with bleeding and wounded heart and soul. Missing while he ignoring.

Dia cakap,dia tak boleh terima benda yang jadi baru ni. And im sad. Apologize all over again and again. While he stay comfortable ignoring me. Watching me. Hearing me begging like a stupid whore.

Then bila pikir balik. Its bullshit. Fucking bullshit. Nonsense.

Mandi lepas sidai kain. Dan mandi tak bagitau. Dan dia vc aku. Aku tengah berkemban. Dan dia tak boleh terima benda tu.

And today..Wtf? Bila pikir balik,he had nothing to do with it. Again,he was pointless. Really2 pointless. Desperately seek for a point so he can blame on me for a small mistake. Which actually can be forgiven and shouldn't be an issue to deal with. Torture me inside out. For few days.

And i spend several days on begging.

And today after spend a lot of times crying. Feel really stupid.

I be like. Sampai bila aku nak hambakan diri untuk dia. Hati,perasaan. Dia pijak aku suka hati. Dia buat aku macam sampah.

Aku merayu. Mintak maaf macam bodoh. Dia buat ego. Keras hati tak bertempat. Sampai bila? Sampai bila aku nak merayu.

Buang masa menangis. Merayu macam bodoh. Sampai bila..Aku nak bertahan dengan keras hati dia..

So its time for me to move on. Pinggan tak retak nasi tak dingin. Orang taknak kita pun tak hingin..

Wake up. Girl power!!!

Kemonlah. Be a girl who man need. Dont be a girl who need a man..

Am i leaving him? No..But he want me to go..He chased me away. Ingat tu. Dia yang nak kan perpisahan ni..Dia yang nakkan perbalahan untuk benda yang seringkas itu.

Jadi aku sebagai orang yang matang perlu ke berdiam. Menunggu dan merayu. Minta maaf lagi dan lagi. Layankan keras hati dia. Menangis pagi petang siang malam..No u dont have to.

Bangunlah. Bangkit. Ceriakan hati. Banyak lagi benda boleh buat. Hidup ni bukan untuk bercinta dan putus saja..

Dia taknak kita? Takpa. Kita tengok jauh mana dia boleh pegi. Kita lepaskan dia cara elok..Kalau dia kata dia tak boleh terima "salah" kita baru ni yang sebenarnya pointless tu,buat apa kita nak tunggu lagi?

Orang dah halau. Dah hina kita..Balik2 ayat dia,kita gunakan dia untuk kepentingan. The fuck? Kita ikhlas dengan dia..Bukan salah kita kalau dia tak rasa. Itu salah dia. Sebab dia buta.

Jadinya lepaskanlah. Buat apa holding on kalau itu sekadar menyakitkan dan melukakan.

Im the best he could get. And he blew me. He caused damages to me..And i bet that he would miss me. Right at the moment when i finally let him go. Right when i finally giving up.

Faeqa..You did absolutely nothing wrong. He screwed up. And he will suffer dealing with his rotten heart one day.

He let you go. And someday..He will find you inside of everyone he been with. And you can never be found. He blew the chance u got. The best he ever had. And he will regret it.

Faeqa. U did right.

People dont laugh at same cracks and jokes. So do the same pain and sadness. Move on.

Kalau betul dia sayang,dia akan buang ego dia.

Inside Out

Rindu. Rindu yang teramat.

Bila malam macamni. Im trying my best to sleep well. And something suddenly make me scare.

It haunt me everytime i close my eyes. For few years recently. No one would understand.

And im too ashamed to tell anybody. I kept that as a secret. And im suffering of it every day. My psychology really sick of it.

But i do remember. The pain. The sound. The voice. Long time ago. But it still scared the shit out of me.

My nose bleeding. My finger wounded. The scold. The punch. The kick. Broke me inside out.

For years. Bertahun-tahun. Aku akan terjaga dan menangis bila teringat semua tu. I remember it everyday. It just like a slide. A montage,which i have to watch everyday. No skip.

It scared the shit out of me. I hate everyone.

Dan tiap kali aku sedih. Aku menangis. Aku cuma nak Helmi Ishak ada dekat dengan aku. Aku cuma nak dia dakap aku.

Walaupun dia kurus. Lengan tak sado. Dada tak padat. Tapi selama bertahun-tahun,itu la tempat paling selesa untuk aku heal everything.

Tak sado tak gagah takpa. But he's strong enough to make me feel so comfortable and safe.

And someday..If i died. Take this a lesson. I wish everybody who read will understand what i actually would like to tell.

Pukul,maki anak2 yang bermasalah wouldn't settle anything. Unless they will hate you more and more. Those will never make them respect you.

Unless make them afraid of you. They will never love you. Not even sincerely. Never.

And they will have somebody better than you to love them. They wouldn't believe in you. Never.

And you just ruined.

Broken.

Damaged.

Wounded.

Hurt.

Tortured.

Them inside out. You broke them mentally and physically.

Finding Joy

Friday 25th of August 2k17
0032HRS

Lately ni. I mean 2,3 hari ni. Aku dengan dia tak setuju angin betul. Pantang silap sikit.

Taktau apa yang tak kena. Tapi semua serba salah.

I spend all day laying,crying on my bed. Crying badly. Baru nak reda,bila tengok balik chat dia,makin lebat air mata.

Sakit..Sakit hati. Aku menangis sebab marah. Sebab sedih. Sebab tak sangka dia sanggup cakap aku macamtu.

Sanggup dia tuduh aku macamtu. Padahal tak sampai seminggu lagi kami jauh. Baru sangat aku letak kepala atas chest dia.

I still remember bila aku cakap,b..Kita jangan gaduh lagi eh.

I wonder memang jenis dia ni cinta bila depan mata je ke eh? Makin hari makin teruk. Makin melampau perangai dia.

Siyesly sebak masa tulis ni. Pleasee dont cry again.

Siyesly tak sangka sampai macamni sekali dia sanggup maki aku..Makin hari makin teruk sikap dia. Ego dia sampai tak terkawal.

Semalam pun jadi macamni. Dia cuma boleh cakap,nanti chat lain. Mood dia tak berapa okay.

Sebab mood dia boleh ketepikan aku. Ya Allah. Mana kurangnya aku. Aku tak cukup baik ke lagi untuk dia. 4,5 taun dia dengan aku,harini dia boleh cakap hidup dia bukan 24/7 untuk aku. Dia ada benda lain nak buat jugak..

Aku menangis. Menangis sesungguh hati aku. Meluahkan semua dalam hati. Bengkak habis mata aku.

Budak bilik takut nak tegur aku tengok aku macamtu.

Im beyond control. Totally messed up and i cant even think right. Im siyesly tak sangka kenapa dia berubah sampai macamni.

Aku sampai tak kenal dia. Aku tau ni bukan dia yang biasa. Yang penyabar. Tak mudah melenting. Tak mudah sakitkan hati aku. Sayang aku.

Or whether dia dah hilang sabar dengan aku. Or maybe he's right..That aku terlalu pentingkan diri. Aku cuma pikir diri aku.

Bagi aku,benda ni semua sebab dia taknak berterus terang dengan aku. Bila dia ada masalah,dia pendam sendiri. Dia maybe tertekan. Maybe ada certain things yang dia rasa aku tak patut tau. Dia simpan dan dia semak sorang2..

Thats y bila kami ada mess sikit,terus dia meletup. I donno. Maybe right maybe not.

When the sadness leave you broken in your bed. For a moment,aku meraung sepuas hati aku. Melepaskan apa yang terbuku di hati. Basah lencun bantal aku.

Masuk tandas aku basuh muka. Tengok muka kusam aku dekat cermin..Dengan mata bengkak kesan menangis dan meraung macam orang tak betul. Aku menangis lagi. Yuckss. Fucking ugly.

Aku duduk atas meja merenung ke tingkap. Azzue ajak aku keluar,ambil angin. Dia bawak aku makan dekat kedai Cik Esah. Aku makan banyak,sebab sedih.

And i felt quite happy when eating. Dia bawak aku ronda keliling felda. Malam,dia bawak aku jamming dengan budak bilik. Since ramai balik kampung so bilik jamming takda orang.

I tried to forget the pain for a while. I still wonder mana salah and silap aku.

Just,an advice for myself. Dont be sad for a long time. Jangan bersedih terlalu lama sampai aku lupa ada banyak benda lagi aku boleh buat dalam hidup ni.

Hidup ni bukan untuk bersedih dan putus cinta saja..

Kalau dia boleh cakap dia hidup bukan untuk aku saja..Jadi untuk apa aku membazir masa bersedih memikirkan dia?

Kalau dia dengan mudah buang aku,maki aku,hina aku..Rendahkan aku. Buat apa aku nak tunggu lagi? Sapa lagi nak hormat aku kalau bukan aku? Sapa lagi nak sayang aku kalau bukan aku?

Kalau dia kata dia tak boleh tahan dengan perangai aku..Dia kata sikap aku buruk..Buat apa aku nak tunggu lagi? Surely dia akan cari yang lebih baik daripada aku..

Hidup ni..Especially as woman. As a girl. As a lady. Dont depend to much on man. Dont be woman who need a man. Be a woman that a man needs.  Remember that.

Bila kita takda apa to be proud for,orang akan pijak kita..Orang hina kita. Orang rendahkan kita. Orang salahkan kita..

Takpa..This is the decision he took. He took. Not me. He let me go. I didnt walk away. But he let me go.

Orang dah halau,dah usir..Dah hina. Tunggu apa lama2.

Dia nak tengok jauh mana aku boleh pergi dengan sikap aku. So i am..Aku pun nak tengok jauh mana dia boleh pegi dengan ego dia.

Ya..Im a bad girl. A bad girl who invited you from the court the day you free from the handcuff.

Im a bad girl who cooked late in the night. Cooked ur fav meal,even takda paksaan. But i cooked coz i know not much time left for us to be spent tugeder.

Im a bad girl who spend day riding ur Kriss around the town right in the hot afternoon.

Im a bad girl who bought you a clothes while buying mine. Im the bad girl. Its me..

Im sorry bcoz im bad..I wish you gonna get somebody better than me soon.

Faeqa Aqeelah..You deserve to be happy. Dont let the sadness ruin ur entire day. Dont waste your time for those who will never appreciate.

I marked your words,hubs ❤ And i will attend your wedding to meet your wife..To send her a big congratulation for having a great man like you.

May Allah return you kindness for me. Thanks a lot for everything.

Dont feel worst. Be proud for doing this. You do what is right for you. You deserve a good woman..As good as you. Good luck.