crying week

minggu ni keje nangis je. lets say,crying week. ahahaha. bila teringat,sedih pedih apa semua. cannot brain rasa. just wishing mom were here. nak menangis dekat riba mak puas2.

bila otp dengan mak,i tried my best to cheer up. hide away all of the sorrows. even though i cant deny that rasa sebak je. but i do my best. taknak buat dia risau.

no one would understand how hard it is. but i believe that Allah wont burden us more than wat we can carry. rite?

take it as a lesson. as a test. and i believe that Allah want to show me a few more type of people. Allah nak ajar aku,nak tunjukkan aku..ada sejenis manusia yang suka menyusahkan orang. yang suka merumitkan urusan orang.

and today..i've been tested again. im exhausted. im extremely tired. im suck at all. the hardest part is to choose whether to stop or to keep strong. rasa macam2 rasa bergabung dalam hati.

rasa teringat je kazen cakap apa. follow ur heart. but take ur brain with you. and masa tu im fucking weak. memang dah critically down. kalau diberi skala 1-10, i chose zero.

cuma wondering mana datangnya kekuatan. under the hot sun,we worked. perspired. berpeluh berkeringat. rasa nak pitam semua ada. and keep wondering kenapa kejam sangat dunia nih. kenapa benda yang tak adil boleh ditegakkan. kenapa dan kenapa.

tengah panas terik,baca surah al-Ikhlas. while tears dropped very slowly upon my reddish cheeks. perlahan sangat air mata tu. seperlahan langkah aku di bawah terik.

no one would understand. i bet u.

and i dont even know where are the strength came from. i guess Allah heard us. waktu2 macamtu aku cuma nak ada someone pinjamkan aku bahu. aku nak menangis puas2 sekejap. sampai aku lega.

harini hari aku. harini kau pijak aku. harini kau rasa kau ada kuasa. harini kau perdajal aku. harini kau agungkan pangkat kau yang tak seberapa tu. harini kau injak maruah kami. harini kau kerah kudrat aku.

kau buat macam hidup ni segala-galanya. kau macam lupa Allah tu ada. kau tunjuk sangat hati kau busuk.

esok? lusa? siapa tau. sekelip mata Allah boleh terbalikkan hidup kau. kau tunggu. doa orang teraniaya takda hijab..lets see jauh mana kau boleh pegi. and i will make every drop of tears paid off.

and to beloved dearself. do wat is right for u. follow ur heart,but take ur brain with u. keep strong. dont lose. kalau kau give up,diorang hepi 🙃

jangan tunjuk kau lemah. kau diamond. they cant break u. hold on. and come on. stop this crying week. banyak lagi nak dibuat daripada memikirkan orang yang hanya bawa aura negatif dalam hidup..